I took my car to the body shop to repair the damage from my fender bender from almost 2 months ago. $1290 in damage and it should be done by Thursday. My coverage includes a rental car. The place, we'll call them "E" had their driver come pick me up from the body shop. This is how the meet and greet went.
E guy: Hi...how are you Miss?
Me: Fine, thanks.
E guy: Did you get into an accident over the weekend?
Me: No, it's actually been a couple of months.
E guy: I see.
E guy: I was almost late to work this morning. I went out to the car and I saw my neighbor's dog mounting my dog. Last thing I need is puppies. I yelled and nothing. They were just going at it. I yelled again and then tried to separate them. No progress...thought I was gonna need a fire hose to break up the sex fest.
Me: shakes head...thinking, wow, what just happened?
E guy: Did you know that you can actually pay to have your dog get married?
Me: Guess you can pretty much pay for anything these days...including getting your dog spayed or neutered.
E guy: We're talking 7-10 grand for a wedding...
Me: That's ridiculous
E guy: So have you heard the latest about the Pope?
Me: You're killin me....from dog lovin' to the pope in a 5 minute car ride.
E guy: I'm a talker.
We finally got to the rental agency and I literally almost jumped out of the car before coming to a full stop. I run in, and they only have 1 car and a truck in their parking lot. The guy says they should have some more cars in 20 minutes. Um, hello...what the fuck is the point of making a reservation if there are no cars available? I said I couldn't wait another 20 minutes. He apologized. Great, I feel so much better. Group hug.
15 minutes goes by...then 5 more, still no cars. 5 more after that, I'm hitting my boiling point. The guy then says...I'm just going to put you in the Accord. It hasn't been cleaned and I may have to swap you out later today...can I get a work phone number? 555-1212 - hah, that's not your real number...brilliant!
I arrive at work 25 minutes late...freakin' sweet!
At least the above took my mind off my horrific, "Nothing fits, I'm a cow" morning. The alarm went off at 5:30 after a not so great night of sleep. Last thing I needed was the scale being a beyotch and every outfit looking like hell.
I avoided tears and just tore through my closet with a vengeance. This is the first time in a long time that I have gone back to my old ways. Feeling uncomfortable and fat at the party...tugging at my shirt, adjusting my pants...just an overall sense of insecurity about my looks.
This morning was just the topper and my solution was "all black" my uniform of the past. I generally try hard to throw some color into the mix, but not today. I felt like I needed to disguise the feelings swirling around in my head.
I was very conscious of my eating decisions this weekend. I didn't go overboard at all. I did have a piece of cake at the party, but whatever, I had fiber one for breakfast and a burger without a bun and some fruit for lunch.
I know that TOM is driving these feelings. I know that they will be gone by the end of the week, it just sucks. It sucks to be reminded that I will always have "fat girl" feelings. The fat girl feelings and insecurities will be burned into memory forever.
My action plan is to continue to eat healthy, continue to journal, to walk and to make an overall effort to change things permanently...including my thought process. The negative self talk is not helping the situation at all. I know that. Some weeks I'm good, other weeks it's harder. I guess at some point I will realize that I'm only sabotaging my efforts by referring to myself in such a negative way.