O.k., so I added all of my lurker's blogs to my sidebar Check it! Go visit and leave them some feedback/comments if you feel so inclined. I'm happy to have more reads out there...do I have the time? No, but I will manage and I'm excited to meet some more readers.
Reading about people's triumphs and struggles inspires in so many different ways. You want to reach through the screen to help. You want to give hugs and you want to jump for joy when good happens.
It is so weird that I've only officially met 2 people that read my blog on a regular basis...yet I care so much about many.
I actually had a dream that Jess went on Oprah (big eye roll from Snackie) to talk about her weight loss. She was wearing some of the clothing that I sell and she thought it would be cool to team the outfit that I picked for her with a bright red cowboy hat. It was supposed to be a surprise. She walked out on stage and I was like, WTF? Totally horrified that she would wreck such an adorable outfit...LOL...wow, I need to get a life.
I've completed 4 days of awesome eating and lots of exercise. 4 days... I haven't had a run of 4 days in over a year. I've managed to slip at some point, but I don't see that happening this time around. I'm in it. I'm in it to get myself back to where I need to be.
Last night was HARD. Harder than hard. I had made plans to go on a monster walk with a friend. We set out and I was tired and hungry after mile 1. My mind was all about food. I was making meal after meal in my head...mentally running through my pantry and fridge with each sweaty step. I was on a mission, crank the freakin' walk out so I could go home and eat.
My brain immediately took me to all of the places that I could stop on the way home. I started to justify things in my head. I'm walking, I'm earning AP's...I deserve some Cold Stone. I should get a sandwich from Quiznos...oooohhhh Chinese. The thought process was ridiculous and what I've been a slave to for the past 6 or more months.
I didn't take the time to enjoy the beautiful sunset...I didn't enjoy the lake, the ducks, the laughter in the background or spending time with my friend. I obsessed and focused on food. My friend is going through a rough time right now, so I switched gears to supportive friend mode and that kept my food obsessed mind from wandering into fantasy land.
We finished our 4 miles and I practically sprinted to my car. I drove straight home. I passed Cold Stone, Starbucks, Jamba Juice, Quiznos, Panda Express and the grocery store and I never looked back.
I entered the house to find DH sitting on the couch eating a Reese's ice cream sandwich. I said, "Hi, I hate you"...he took a monster bite to finish it, crumpled the wrapper and said...sorry. He actually apologized for eating his own dessert. I made him feel that shitty. Nice. He doesn't have a weight problem, he was home by himself, he didn't bust it out while I was eating my plate of tofu with a side of cardboard...o.k., total exaggeration there...but still. I told him he didn't need to apologize and then I said I was sorry for making him feel guilty and then we moved on.
I fixed myself a measured out bowl of Kashi and soy milk - livin' on the edge with my bad ass gourmet self. I followed that with grapes and then felt like I could have snacked for several more hours.
I got myself out of the kitchen and into the bedroom for some Tivo. I'm pretty proud of myself for that.
So far so good with day 5 of getting my act together. Tonight's plan is a 5-6 mile walk with the neighbor and then dinner out with DH. We are going to go for sushi so I can stay within points. Bring on some spicy tuna!
The one thing I do notice is that the more in tune I am with my health...eating better, exercising, emailing, blogging, etc. the more time I spend away from DH and that makes me sad. We are going to carve out tonight to re-connect over dinner and I'm looking forward to it. I'm not freaking out about the food part of it. I will make healthy decisions and the word "deep fried" will not come out of my mouth.
I wanted to jump on the scale so badly this morning but I didn't cave. I wanted to go into the weekend without numbers screwing with my head. I'm doing good no matter what the scale says. My jeans feel great, my skin looks good and I have fabulous hair.
Speaking of hair, Hil TM'd me from the hospital - and she said she was about to go under the knife for her arm surgery...this was her exact TM "I am going under the knife! If I croak, you get my hair products! I had to laugh because that is so Hil...but seriously peeps, say some prayers that things go smoothly for Ms Snackie. BTW, I told her to turn of her fucking cell phone before she killed someone. :o)