Pink Bunny Foo Foo

Uh yah so...

Everything went as planned. I got home from work a little early to watch them gunite our pool (Pool lingo for cement) I massively cleaned house with all of the nervous energy I had from the loud noise of the cement truck, from Hig acting like he needed to show all 20 workers that he was the king of the house with his mad barking skillz...UGH, Pledge, Windex, Dyson...take me away!

I met my neighbor out front at 6:00 sharp. She was armed with her GPS and away we went. They were having an outdoor concert sponsored by the local auto mall at a local park so we headed in that direction. We walked on a new path that we hadn't tried before. Lots of little hills and uneven rock surfaces...off roadin'.

We chatted about everything from "Did you notice that all of the Mom's dropping off their kids at the local elementary school are fat?" to "Is our obsession about weight ever going to end?" - deep, deep stuff.

My reward for walking just under 5 miles was a big fat blister on my toe. It is really bothering me today. I skipped my morning workout because of it. My neighbor thinks I need new shoes...I have suffered from blisters on two of my toes ever since walking/running for weight loss. I've tried New Balance, Avia, Adidas, Nike...Body glide, blister powder and running socks. I was fitted for running shoes when I got my Avias. 150 bucks later, I still got a toe blister. I have a fat toe. Plain and simple, I'm about 2 seconds from taking the puppy off. Liposuction for the toe, there's a necessary expense.

DH and I ended up having date night. Home Depot and Applebees, can it get anymore romantic? We bought a hose long enough to reach our pool...we need to spray down the gunite 3 times a day for the next 10 days. Good times.

I had 7 points left for the day and I earned 4 aps from my major walk. I ended up ordering the rubber meat and dry shrimp skewers with 2 tablespoons of rice and some salty ass terriyaki sauce with enough broccoli to make the table slant. Sounds yummy huh? Whatever, it was 7 points and I totally stayed within my points. I was going to get the raspberry choc. cake, but I was actually full. So I came right in at 22 points and that included my meal out.

Not sure what is on the agenda for today besides pool watering. I'd like to make a Trader Joe's run, but the weekends can get pretty crazy. Part of me actually thought about going to a WW meeting for about 2 seconds and then I realized that I'm totally in it and doing it now. I don't need to pay to go to the meetings right now. We have enough other financial obligations and the latest $3,000 fence estimate for one side of the backyard was enough to send me into shock.

Breakfast so far has been a light English muffin, egg, 2% cheese sandwich and some grapes. No plans for lunch or dinner.

I'm powering through Tivo and I'm hoping that my blister allows me to walk/ride tonight for at least an hour.

The reason I signed on was to stop myself from mindless eating and it worked. Lunch is right around the corner. Disaster averted. Weekends are hard.

Check it...

O.k., so I added all of my lurker's blogs to my sidebar Check it! Go visit and leave them some feedback/comments if you feel so inclined. I'm happy to have more reads out there...do I have the time? No, but I will manage and I'm excited to meet some more readers.

Reading about people's triumphs and struggles inspires in so many different ways. You want to reach through the screen to help. You want to give hugs and you want to jump for joy when good happens.

It is so weird that I've only officially met 2 people that read my blog on a regular basis...yet I care so much about many.

I actually had a dream that Jess went on Oprah (big eye roll from Snackie) to talk about her weight loss. She was wearing some of the clothing that I sell and she thought it would be cool to team the outfit that I picked for her with a bright red cowboy hat. It was supposed to be a surprise. She walked out on stage and  I was like, WTF? Totally horrified that she would wreck such an adorable outfit...LOL...wow, I need to get a life.

I've completed 4 days of awesome eating and lots of exercise. 4 days... I haven't had a run of 4 days in over a year. I've managed to slip at some point, but I don't see that happening this time around. I'm in it. I'm in it to get myself back to where I need to be.

Last night was HARD. Harder than hard. I had made plans to go on a monster walk with a friend. We set out and I was tired and hungry after mile 1. My mind was all about food. I was making meal after meal in my head...mentally running through my pantry and fridge with each sweaty step. I was on a mission, crank the freakin' walk out so I could go home and eat.

My brain immediately took me to all of the places that I could stop on the way home. I started to justify things in my head. I'm walking, I'm earning AP's...I deserve some Cold Stone. I should get a sandwich from Quiznos...oooohhhh Chinese. The thought process was ridiculous and what I've been a slave to for the past 6 or more months.

I didn't take the time to enjoy the beautiful sunset...I didn't enjoy the lake, the ducks, the laughter in the background or spending time with my friend. I obsessed and focused on food. My friend is going through a rough time right now, so I switched gears to supportive friend mode and that kept my food obsessed mind from wandering into fantasy land.

We finished our 4 miles and I practically sprinted to my car. I drove straight home. I passed Cold Stone, Starbucks, Jamba Juice, Quiznos, Panda Express and the grocery store and I never looked back.

I entered the house to find DH sitting on the couch eating a Reese's ice cream sandwich. I said, "Hi, I hate you"...he took a monster bite to finish it, crumpled the wrapper and said...sorry. He actually apologized for eating his own dessert. I made him feel that shitty. Nice. He doesn't have a weight problem, he was home by himself, he didn't bust it out while I was eating my plate of tofu with a side of cardboard...o.k., total exaggeration there...but still. I told him he didn't need to apologize and then I said I was sorry for making him feel guilty and then we moved on.

I fixed myself a measured out bowl of Kashi and soy milk - livin' on the edge with my bad ass gourmet self. I followed that with grapes and then felt like I could have snacked for several more hours.

I got myself out of the kitchen and into the bedroom for some Tivo. I'm pretty proud of myself for that.

So far so good with day 5 of getting my act together. Tonight's plan is a 5-6 mile walk with the neighbor and then dinner out with DH. We are going to go for sushi so I can stay within points. Bring on some spicy tuna!

The one thing I do notice is that the more in tune I am with my health...eating better, exercising, emailing, blogging, etc. the more time I spend away from DH and that makes me sad. We are going to carve out tonight to re-connect over dinner and I'm looking forward to it. I'm not freaking out about the food part of it. I will make healthy decisions and the word "deep fried" will not come out of my mouth.

I wanted to jump on the scale so badly this morning but I didn't cave. I wanted to go into the weekend without numbers screwing with my head. I'm doing good no matter what the scale says. My jeans feel great, my skin looks good and I have fabulous hair.

Speaking of hair, Hil TM'd me from the hospital - and she said she was about to go under the knife for her arm surgery...this was her exact TM "I am going under the knife! If I croak, you get my hair products!  I had to laugh because that is so Hil...but seriously peeps, say some prayers that things go smoothly for Ms Snackie. BTW, I told her to turn of her fucking cell phone before she killed someone. :o)

3 days down....

1/2 way through day 4 of rocking WW like I'm wearing spandex on stage with a microphone. I feel 100 x's better mentally. Physically, my body is hating me...but I'm not using that as an excuse.

I've been alternating between the exercise bike, treadmill and floor exercises in a mini circuit training routine. I ride 5-7 miles on the bike...it's all my tail bone will allow, then I immediately switch to the treadmill for a 2-3 mile walk and then back to the bike for another 5 miles. I end my routine with floor work. Back stretches and stability ball stuff.

I popped my elbow yesterday...it wasn't some exciting pool dive into the dirt hole or anything...just getting off the couch, pop, mother fucker...ouch! It doesn't hurt to bend, just to straighten. So no salutes for this girl. I also have this weird neck, left, lymph node pain going on...can't the health Gods just give me a flippen break already?

I'm not letting any of that get in my way. I'm sticking to my plan of less processed foods, more fruit and veggies, lean meats, low carbs and tons of water. I'm sticking to between 19-24 points. I'm not eating my aps and I haven't dipped into flex. Not saying that I won't ever...but I'm trying to jump start things.

Jess is "closing her kitchen" at night and I've adopted that as well. I find that when I watch TV in the room connected to the kitchen, my mind focuses on the fridge and the pantry door like I'm going to win a prize if I pick the right one. Nope, not happening. I plant myself on the exercise bike or treadmill for my TV time. Foo Hamster, doin' her thing. A big wheel would be so cool. I know they now make treadmills that run the power for your TV...nice in theory, but not practical for porn late at night.

Did I just write that? Guess I'm getting my mojo back. It's amazing what 3 solid days of feeling in control with life will do for your self confidence. I got my hair cut, colored and highlighted yesterday...I actually steamed my clothes for work this morning and I'm headed to the dentist for my 6 month cleaning.

The extra weight stopped me caring about the little things. I did keep up with the Brazilians because once you go there, you can't stop. Porn and Brazillions, my oh my what a wonderful web search.

I'm getting a pedicure on Saturday as my reward for getting my ass back in gear. I'm pretty much doing daily rewards because stuff like that motivates me. So far I've purchased a couple of magazines, I had a nice bath soak with some Birthday Cake Philosophy...it was like dessert in the tub. I've painted my toes (about 3 times) and I've purchased some H2ydro flavored waters as rewards for exercising. It doesn't take much...but the little "special" things really do help when you are getting back on track or just starting out. I know it will get easier as time pushes on.

My plan for tonight is a 4 mile walk with a friend. We had to cancel last night...so tonight it is. I still got in a workout while watching the Biggest Loser last night, so I didn't skip because plans changed. That is huge.

I haven't stuck to my "No morning WI" plan...but today it stops. I will not weigh myself until Tuesday. That is going to be so hard, but I have to push through this fixation with the numbers. I feel good, I'm doing great, I'm much more pleasant to be around...that should be my judge and jury, not the scale.

Last but not least...I wanted to thank the lurkers that posted links to their blogs...YAY, more fun stuff to read. :o)

Feels good to come clean...

Yesterday proved to be a tough day emotionally and physically. My body was hating that I wasn't giving it snack type crud. I ate as pure as possible. Tons of veggies, lots of fruit, 90 ounces of water, whole grains, lean meats (yes, I'm back to eating meat) I did it the first time around and I think my body needs it now.

When I turn veggie, I basically embrace carbs...I go for high fiber stuff, but I never feel satisfied. I'm always on the hunt for my next fix. Sweets and salt are the death of me... once I start, I can't stop. Last night I finished my dinner meal with a peach. It left me feeling satisfied and it didn't leave me scrounging the pantry or fridge for more. Was it the same as a fudge bar? Um...no. The same as CocoaVia? (no way) But did I feel 100 percent better about my decision? Yes, without a doubt.

I changed into my workout clothes right when I got home and set out for my walk. Just over 3 miles and it felt amazing. I didn't kill myself with the pace...because I didn't want my body talking me out of another walk tonight. Consistency is what I'm aiming for.

I finished my walk, made dinner and then my massive headache started. I am very familiar with the "Back on program" headache. My body was angry. The devil on my shoulder was trying to tell me that I needed food to feel better. Slap that little devil...food is not comfort. Food is not comfort.

I grabbed my new Self magazine, headed into the office and played on the computer. I 86'd all cravings and managed to catch up on some blogs.

O.k. lurkers, if you read my blog and have a blog yourself, let me know so I can add you to my daily reads. I'm looking to fill my down time with things other than eating.

My headache started to fade...I was seeing it as a positive thing. My body letting go of the nasty stuff I'd been putting in it all weekend. I tried flushing things out as best as I could with extra water. I pretty much stick to 96 ounces a day...sometimes more if I chug after a workout.

I took a huge step and came completely clean with DH. I confessed my "Oh shit" scale number and also apologized for being such a moody beyotch lately. He had no idea. He had no idea how disappointed I was with myself and no idea that I had been faking the big WW game.

It feels good to start fresh (again) The only difference being this time I asked for help and I got it. I usually try to hide what is going on and I put on my big act smiley face and go about my day. That wasn't workin' so I switched gears.

Go back to what you know worked. Connect with people in the same boat, immerse yourself in healthy activities and push everything else to the back burner until you gain some sense of control.

Addiction sucks.

Day 1 is over and it's always the hardest to complete. You get a little overwhelmed with the "this is forever" thinking. I'm not going to jump on the scale every day like I had been doing. My recent weight gain was not a shock by doing this...but I couldn't handle the scale results. If the number was lower, I'd treat myself or act like 1 or 2 cookies wouldn't make me gain...if the number was higher I'd get the "screw it" attitude and I'd snack myself into a fully belly coma.

I clearly don't have the ability to see the number and take it as just that...a number. A water fluctuation, etc. I wish I could, but I'm being realistic.

The deal is I will start by weighing myself every other day for the rest of this week. Next week I will stretch it to twice a week and by week 3 I will go for once a week.

I don't want to become obsessed. I don't want to fear drinking water before getting on the scale. I don't want to stress if I accidentally jump in the shower pre weigh in (because we all know that water soaks into your body right?) :o)

I just want to live each day feeling no guilt about my food decisions. I want to exercise because I know my body needs it (not for damage control)

I made a huge promise to myself, my husband and a few close friends yesterday that I wasn't going to become crazy WW girl. I will not break that promise. I will continue to hold myself accountable and checking in here is key. Thanks for all of the support yesterday, your comments and emails made a huge difference in my day.

What is it going to take? - Part Bazillion

I spent most of the weekend at my Mom's house. She gets 4 million catalogs a day and I found myself glued to fantasy shopping. Turning down corners, marking and circling things I will probably never order or buy.

I came across some sassy magnets..."I gave up jogging because my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire"..."Food has replaced sex in my life....Now I can't even get into my own pants" and I started laughing.

It's true, I can't get into my own pants. The laughter led to a deep internal conversation. What the hell are you doing with your health? When did you shift your priority from health to WTF does is matter anyway? When are you going to realize that your behavior needs to change?

When you're in a wheel chair because your back is so jacked up?

When you find yourself with less than 5 stores to shop in again?

When you find yourself crying in the closet?

What is it going to take this time?

I'm coming clean. I've been lying to myself and everyone around me. I haven't been honest about my commitment to WW, exercise or anything mind/body related. I've blamed other people, I've blamed my back pain, life stress and the list goes on.

I feel like a fraud every time I come here or every time I offer advice to anyone struggling. I can't even pull my own shit out of this slump...there is no reason for me to be talking to anyone else about how they can change things.

Walking more doesn't justify eating out on the weekends without a care in the world when it comes to menu selection. Back pain doesn't warrant eating myself into a sugar coma.

I needed help and I reached out and got it today.

I really need to work on repairing the damage I've done to my body and I need to adjust my attitude and overall mental game.

I've come up with so many excuses as to why I gained some weight back...too many family events, too much life stress, too many snack foods in the house, too many friend/social obligations, but I haven't accepted responsibility for any of my own decisions/actions.

I always had the notion that I'd get back on track...well, I never did. Maybe for a day, maybe for 2...but the promises I made to myself were always broken. No matter how much I was hurting, no matter how many times the broken record played over and over and over...I still grabbed for the pizza and Cheeto's. I decided that food was more important than health and I'm going to need some time to figure out how that came about.

I hit my breaking point. Today was "IT" for me. My dear friend P is in the hospital with a horrible, life threatening, staff infection that he got in the hospital from his back surgery last week. The fear in his voice and the flow of tears made me realize how precious life is and how we all need to do everything in our power to be the healthiest we can be.

I can't control what is going on with my own back...but I CAN control what I put in my mouth and how I choose to deal with the pain. I know that I can get my weight under control. I just somehow forgot about the importance of putting my health before anything and everyone else.

Each time it gets harder and harder. I'm prepared for that. I've surrounded myself with love and support and together we will all do this.

So it's time to step up and get rid of this extra weight. I'm done...I'm officially done lying, making up excuses, breaking promises and hating myself. I'm finally owning my actions.

Big, huge, sigh of relief. I will NOT break this promise to myself. I've set some short term and long term goals and the fear I felt today, will drive me closer and closer to achieving them.

There is no shame....

Bedroom Tivo ^

Front Room Tivo^

There is no shame in my Tivo game. Dual tuners, 2 different rooms, 4 shows recording at the same time, take that Fall Season Premier Beyotches!

Ninja Poodles put it out there and I accepted the dare. From the big "O" to Motorcycle racing...we got it all. I would like to add at this time that I did not have Deal or No Deal on a season pass. Shewww...glad I got that out of the way. Had to check out Rosie on the View...ehhh, is all I have to say about that.

I actually Tivo'd the Biggest Loser on both Tivos in the event that I'd want to get on the exercise bike or something during the show. Nope, didn't happen. I did however eat a smoothie instead of something not so nutritious while watching. I find myself wanting to do leg lifts, crunches etc...it just feels so wrong to lay in bed watching these people puke from their workouts.

Jericho and America's Next Top Model were watched last night. DH is hooked on Jericho, so this is good. Some non Nova/Engineering/Racing goodness to be shared by both.

We watched the Unit and Smith on Tuesday and I think we will continue with those too. I didn't Tivo or watch Justice or Kidnapped...it was just getting uber crazy.

Tonight is Survivor, CSI, Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy, The Office and Shark...smokin' Tivos.

I've made a huge dent today. I stayed home from work because of my back pain and a general TOM pissy mood. I've been watching TV since 6:00 a.m...yes people, I've already put in a 6 hour day. I get to watch shows with jackhammering in the background. The pool is looking faboo.

Not much else going on. My Brother and Dad arrived safely in Ireland and they are enjoying the Ryder Cup festivities. I've been checking on my Mom daily. She and Monty (Technically Hig's Uncle :o)) are doing great. My Mom's gardener found a rattle snake in their backyard last night. She's a little freaked since her morning routine is to feed the quail and other birds while Monty runs around every morning. They have a dog run, so it's a treat for Monty to have full access to the bigger backyard. They live on 1/2 acre with the majority of their acre being a wildlife reserve. They built their house 3 years ago and this is their first snake. My Mom seemed pretty calm and handling things well. She is going to the hardware store to get some mesh netting to put up against the fence that backs up to the creek.

I think I've been sitting long enough...back to watch me some more Tivo'd shows!

Is that a belyain' pin in yer britches, or are ye....

Gurglin' Hester Dawkins sittin' here with my little dog Pirate Thomas the Malformed - spending way too much time on the Talk Like a Pirate Day website. It's official, today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day...Pirates Vs. Ninjas, you decide. Ayyyy matey, back to the regularly scheduled program.

Let's talk Trader Joe Banana Crisps...Hungry Girl informed us yesterday that according to independent lab test results, the nutrition info. on the bags is not correct. The results show that the 40 calories and 1 gram of fat are more like 160 calories and 6 grams of fat per serving...mother humper! My beloved crisps are making me fat! The reality is that I have scaled way back on the little buggers, but they are still a staple snack in my pantry.

If we can't believe the packaging, WTF are we supposed to do? Dr. Praeger's packaging was wrong, Trader Joe's packaging is wrong...is it not enough that we stress out about points, calories etc...now we need to conduct our own freakin' lab experiments? Not happening.

Losing weight is enough of a beyotch as it is. Add the frustration factor of companies trying to make their shit look better and you get consumers feeling the sting. I'm not blaming my recent weight gain on banana crisps...but you team wrong nutrition info. with steroids, decreased exercise and stress and it IS a contributing factor.

You should be able to earn AP's with the amount of energy that one puts into menu planning, shopping, preparing, cooking and eating....1 AP for the complete OCD behaviors that WW has caused me to have, that's not asking for much.

I gained .3 at WI today. Will this torture ever stop? I passed on hamburger buns, cookies, chips, muffins, misc. candy. I walked. I drank my water. I attempted to eat healthier foods. I cut down on mindless snacking and I'm rewarded with a GAIN. A small gain...yes, but still a gain. That puts me at officially 20 lbs. over my lowest recorded WW weight. That pains me to write that...seriously, you have no idea.

I wasn't going to be that person. I wasn't going to EVER gain weight back. I was driven...I was a success story and then my health took a crap on my goals, my success and one of my biggest accomplishments to date. Doesn't seem fair...but I also know that others are dealt much worse.

Some are saying, so what, she's not a size 4 anymore...so what, she has a whopping 20 lbs. to lose again...so what. The so what is that it's a huge deal to me...this is probably one of the most frustrating things I've had to deal with. I want it, I'm doing everything in my power to achieve it and the cards are stacked against me.

My spirit feels squashed.

What keeps me going is that I've only gained 20 lbs. back and that I can still say I've maintained a 60 lb. weight loss for 2 years. There are a lot of people that can't claim that. I understand...It's just not enough to erase the pure frustration that is going on in my head. I know that if I don't give it my all right now...the 20 lb. number would be much higher.

I haven't been going to therapy because all of a sudden my insurance doesn't have my therapist on their approved list...I filed a grievance and we are awaiting the outcome. I'm getting closer and closer to paying the full 120 a session just to sort through stuff. I'm not about to start seeing someone else on the "approved list" when I've pretty much been seeing the same person for the past 5 1/2 years. Not wanting to revisit my whole life story with a complete stranger. Opening old wounds could not possibly help with my current mood/situation.

Big ol' sigh. One day at a time, I need to quit asking myself to do more than that.

Gonna need a fire hose...

I took my car to the body shop to repair the damage from my fender bender from almost 2 months ago. $1290 in damage and it should be done by Thursday. My coverage includes a rental car. The place, we'll call them "E" had their driver come pick me up from the body shop. This is how the meet and greet went.

E guy: Hi...how are you Miss?
Me: Fine, thanks.
E guy: Did you get into an accident over the weekend?
Me: No, it's actually been a couple of months.
E guy: I see.
E guy: I was almost late to work this morning. I went out to the car and I saw my neighbor's dog mounting my dog. Last thing I need is puppies. I yelled and nothing. They were just going at it. I yelled again and then tried to separate them. No progress...thought I was gonna need a fire hose to break up the sex fest.
Me: shakes head...thinking, wow, what just happened?
E guy: Did you know that you can actually pay to have your dog get married?
Me: Guess you can pretty much pay for anything these days...including getting your dog spayed or neutered.
E guy: We're talking 7-10 grand for a wedding...
Me: That's ridiculous
E guy: So have you heard the latest about the Pope?
Me: You're killin me....from dog lovin' to the pope in a 5 minute car ride.
E guy: I'm a talker.

We finally got to the rental agency and I literally almost jumped out of the car before coming to a full stop. I run in, and they only have 1 car and a truck in their parking lot. The guy says they should have some more cars in 20 minutes. Um, hello...what the fuck is the point of making a reservation if there are no cars available? I said I couldn't wait another 20 minutes. He apologized. Great, I feel so much better. Group hug.

15 minutes goes by...then 5 more, still no cars. 5 more after that, I'm hitting my boiling point. The guy then says...I'm just going to put you in the Accord. It hasn't been cleaned and I may have to swap you out later today...can I get a work phone number? 555-1212 - hah, that's not your real number...brilliant!

I arrive at work 25 minutes late...freakin' sweet!

At least the above took my mind off my horrific, "Nothing fits, I'm a cow" morning. The alarm went off at 5:30 after a not so great night of sleep. Last thing I needed was the scale being a beyotch and every outfit looking like hell.

I avoided tears and just tore through my closet with a vengeance. This is the first time in a long time that I have gone back to my old ways. Feeling uncomfortable and fat at the party...tugging at my shirt, adjusting my pants...just an overall sense of insecurity about my looks.

This morning was just the topper and my solution was "all black" my uniform of the past. I generally try hard to throw some color into the mix, but not today. I felt like I needed to disguise the feelings swirling around in my head.

I was very conscious of my eating decisions this weekend. I didn't go overboard at all. I did have a piece of cake at the party, but whatever, I had fiber one for breakfast and a burger without a bun and some fruit for lunch.

I know that TOM is driving these feelings. I know that they will be gone by the end of the week, it just sucks. It sucks to be reminded that I will always have "fat girl" feelings. The fat girl feelings and insecurities will be burned into memory forever. 

My action plan is to continue to eat healthy, continue to journal, to walk and to make an overall effort to change things permanently...including my thought process. The negative self talk is not helping the situation at all. I know that. Some weeks I'm good, other weeks it's harder. I guess at some point I will realize that I'm only sabotaging my efforts by referring to myself in such a negative way.

Huge, Gaping Hole...

Yep, the pool has been dug. Hot diggity! Still haven't created a website, but I will be posting photos here and there. I know you are dying with anticipation...cause dirt or the lack there of is so fricken exciting! Yeehaw!

This week has been a monster week. I scheduled events on top of events and I'm paying for it now...major Friday afternoon fade. I'm 2 seconds away from crawling under the desk to pretend fix my cables...big snooze fest, there is NO WAY I can last 2 more hours.

I'm a winner! Once I complete those 2 hours, I get to spend another whopping 6 at my second job. I have worked 52 hours already and I have 8 more to go. I'm doing this why? Because I plan to retire before I end up in a walker.

My body is pretty much hating me lately. My back is on fire every night, but I'm pushing through. Popping advil like Pez, eating healthy and I'm still managing to walk 3-4 miles a night. I took 2 days off this week and I plan to skip tonight's workout because I have another show.

I'm starvin marvin right now. I'm trying to clean out my pantry, fridge and freezer. I have way too much food to warrant spending additional money on stuff just because they are my "favorites" - The combos lately are actually kind of interesting.

DH is not loving that I haven't been to the grocery store in 2 weeks. He's out of Classic Coke. He pretty much mainlines the stuff and he is having serious withdrawls. He's living on Thomas Kemper Root Beer, Squirt and he even cracked open a sparkling cider last night like it was Thanksgiving. Inside joke...both of us grew up having sparkling cider only for holidays, it's like our families thought the stuff was made of pure gold or something. He cracked open the bottle and the King of France did a dance in his pants as we both simultaneously said, "Happy Thanksgiving"  - Dorks, yes, we are dorks.

20/20 Baby!

I had my eye exam yesterday. It had been 10 years since my last one and things haven't changed. I was getting worried because I was finding that after working at my computer for a long time, it would take a while for my eyes to transition and focus when someone came into my cubicle to talk to me.

I had all of the tests done...glaucoma (No air poof, just glow in the dark yellow drops and a bright blue light) and about 4-5 other tests. I was actually kind of looking forward to picking out some swanky frames...but my time will come and until then, I'll take my 20/20 and run with it.

My Mom, Dad and Brother all have glasses. They have had glasses since high school/college. Not me. My family has had quite a bit of dental work done...again, not me, my friends. I'm beginning to think my Mom banged the mailman. :o) Seriously, I'm so completely different than my family in a lot of ways, but so similar in others.

My temper is definitely family born. My dad, brother and I get angry a little too easily. Pure frustration as in throwing shit, slamming doors, acting stupid, driving like maniacs...yep, major anger management issues.

Weight wise we all share the same fat gene. It's a struggle for all of us. My Mom was happy to report that she's lost 12 lbs. doing Curves for the past 6 months. My Dad is doing eDiets and my brother is trying to be more active now that he's in SoCal. We all struggle, we are all trying to do something about it, yet we still hover around the food when we are together. Interesting.

Last night was a horrible night foodwise. I even called Hil today to confess the ugly details. Let's just say dinner consisted of oven baked french fries, English muffin pizzas, yogurt, raisins, a popsicle and it didn't stop there. UGH, I sabotage the heck out of myself and then get angry. Nice pattern. I just can't seem to get it right this time. Have a maintain, lose control...makes no freakin' sense.

Stress has limited my food intake today. No time to eat. I've got a trunk show tonight, 2 HUGE work projects and I found out at 1:00 this afternoon that the excavation crew was headed to my house for the pool dig. Freakin' sweet!

My neighbor just got home from the hospital on Friday with her newborn. She had a C-Section and lots of delivery complications...perfect. "Hi K, Congratulations on the baby, she's absolutely beautiful...BTW, the dig crew is headed this way and they will be ripping down your fence in about 30 minutes...2 weeks earlier than we talked about."

Thank God for meds because she was so happily drugged up, she said it was no big deal. Her Mom and Dad were there, so her Dad cleared their side yard so the crew could get the tractor through.

I put Hig in his crate and he's going to go ape shit when he realizes that there are tractors and people in his yard. Oivey...

This whole week is flying by. I can't seem to get off the roller coaster of a life I've been having lately. My back is killing me, I'm ready to rip my tailbone out myself and I can't seem to say "no" to anyone or anything. Gee...perhaps putting myself first would help in the eating/stress department, ya think?