I had a post all planned to publish yesterday, but Typepad was jacked and my Internet connection was down for a good portion of the day. Today will have to do.
Thanks for all of the "rock issue" advice - it really did help. I rehearsed over and over what I was going to say. Perfectionism at its best.
My master plan was to catch the Mom by herself. She doesn't work outside the home and is usually around when I go home for my lunch hour. She wasn't there. This gave me 4 additional hours to stew.
I had a nervous stomach driving home from work. Not quite sure why I let myself get so worked up over stuff - guess that's how I roll and why I suffer from low levels of anxiety. I squirm at the first thought of confrontation. I will fast forward through TV shows where people get in each other's faces, I run away from arguments in public, it makes me so uncomfortable. No, Dr. Phil...I didn't grow up in a hostile environment, my parents had occasional disagreements, but they never had huge fights. Wow...tangent much?
I pulled into the driveway and noticed that the only car next door was the Dad's car. Mom's SUV was not there. Great. Not that I don't like the Dad, he just ranks higher than most on the a-hole scale.
I ran into the house to grab the bag of rocks and noticed that there were several more in the backyard. I added 4 additional rocks to the bag and headed over to the neighbor's place.
I liked that a few of you said to keep it simple. I also liked Les's comment about getting all "Mother protecting her cubs" - I certainly didn't want that to happen. I knocked...waited a minute and all things previously rehearsed flew out the window. The Dad said, "Hey Kathleen...what's up?" - I just stood there and held up the bag without saying a word. (Kept it more than simple - mute is good) - the conversation then went something like this:
Neighbor: Awesome, those are rocks from our yard. Let me guess, they are now spending time in your yard?
Me: Yes.
Neighbor: It's L, I'm sure of it. Great, she's throwing rocks into your pool/yard...that's fantastic. I swear Kathleen, she is out of her fucking mind lately. She's losing it. Nothing we say or do is making a difference. She's in a really bad place.
Me: Silence...thinking to myself...she's 6. I then said, "I'm sorry."
Neighbor: I'm so sorry that this happened. Thank you for coming over. I will talk to the girls and I will make sure that this doesn't continue to happen. If for some reason you find more rocks in your yard, please come over immediately. He then apologized again.
Me: O.k., thanks! - (Very little words...big impact)
I felt really bad for him. He seemed so defeated. I expected more drama...nope, just a very frustrated parent that seemed at the end of his rope.
The stress of the situation immediately lifted. I got in my workout clothes and hit the trails as planned. I ran/walked for over an hour and then came home and mowed through a gigantic bowl of Kraft Deluxe Macaroni and Cheese. WTF? The box has been in the pantry for a really long time. Why that night? I'm so all over the place when it comes to my motivation to stay on track with healthy eating. Nobody forced me to make Mac and Cheese, it was MY CHOICE. I had plenty of healthy options to eat. No, I needed to celebrate that the stress was over...that I got in a great workout. Why?
How the heck am I going to break this cycle? I honestly don't have answers....I do really well and then I crash the wagon into the nearest tree. Sure, I get back on and that's important...but what is it going to take to prevent the crash in the first place?
I want it. I need it, this time around I just can't get out of my own way long enough to succeed.
Sigh.
